The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
