How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
