I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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