i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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