finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize