dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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