im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
