Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you will always have a special place in my vag
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
