I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
