I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
