Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
