Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize