I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
