Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I will be naked everywhere
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
