Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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