glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
