my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
