Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
