Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
