Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His hands were made for my vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
