hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
