better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
