if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
