I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
