Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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