why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
