the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
