So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
