Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
