how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
