Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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