The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
