She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
