Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
BRING THE BAGELS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
