oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
