Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
