Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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