At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
