Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize