She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
