At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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