mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
