so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
