there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
