Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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