Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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