thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
false alarm. still invincible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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