I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
