Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
