just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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