yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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