so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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