Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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