i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why is your signature on my underwear?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
