dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
