took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
