took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
