dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
