U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize