I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
