also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize