oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How external is "for external use only"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
