saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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