Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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