I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
