You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
