so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
