My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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