I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize