They should really pass out barf bags in church
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize