Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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