I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
