Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
