Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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