hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
