I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
