Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
