Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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