someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
