just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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