Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
