the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
