I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
