dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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