You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
