Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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