Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
