Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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