New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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