so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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