Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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