kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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