one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
