Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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