So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
