before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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