the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
