Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
