I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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