I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
jump out the window naked night went bad
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