Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's always time for handjobs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
