walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
