my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
