I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
