i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
