You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize