you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
