Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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